Michael Colonna, aka Walnut the Clown, reminisces about his time in Ponsonby and Grey Lynn.
What was your childhood like?
Pretty normal. I spent a few years at boarding school but strangely enough never got bullied. I was usually the one who said, "Leave the poor bugger alone!" Not that I was a leader, just a wee bit eccentric, the one who played tuba in the school band or sat in the tall school hedge listening to jazz on my transistor radio. Kids tended to edge away from me.
Which TV series would you never miss and why?
I haven’t watched television for years. I watch movement on a screen sometimes; I get easily distracted. I go to the Pt Chevalier RSA and zombie out staring at the sports, none of which have rules that
I understand.
Where would your dream international holiday be?
Back to Parma in Italy, where my grandfather's relatives live. Ah, the music, the food, the weather!
What job would you do other than your own?
I wouldn't mind a job that paid me enough to afford to pay off my Visa card. I think about it now and then but who would employ me. I wouldn't!
How would you like to be remembered?
As a quite nice guy, who did very little harm and meant well.
Have you ever seen a ghost?
Not a ghost but I once filmed a face in the sky. I climbed a sacred hill and was astounded by the swallows circling overhead, hundreds of them. When I watched the video I was amazed to see in the clouds an ancient Maori face with tattoos. I uploaded it to YouTube but viewers wrote that I was stupid and they couldn't see anything so I took it down. Pearls before swine, I guess. Wanna see it?
Give your teenaged self some advice?
Grow up and get a life, you egg!
How do you chill out?
Reading and nana napping.
Which item of clothing can't you live without?
Underpants! Go figure! You can even wear them on your head as
a balaclava when it's really cold or use them as a towel when you go skinny dipping. Actually, many people think they are Speedo togs.
Tell us about your dream home?
That’s real easy - one that I can afford with a view of the sea.
What superpower do you wish you had?
The power to see into the future. I'd win all the lotteries and bet on all the races. And always be where the disasters aren't.
Which talent would you most like to have?
Um, come on now are you suggesting that I lack talent?
What cliché do you most hate?
"That's the way the cookie crumbles." I don't give up that easily.
Are you a handshake or a hug kind of person?
I'm both. I rarely hug gang members, real estate agents or rape victims. If I am in doubt, I say to them, "Consider yourself hugged." That seems to do the job.
What is your comfort food?
Avocado and grapes.
Do you have a party trick?
I'm a children's party clown. I’ve got a million, which one do you want to see?
If you could change one law or policy in New Zealand, what would it be?
Control rents and house prices. People on fixed incomes are now living rough because rents are higher than their benefits and the government has sold all emergency housing. Free market forces have never worked for the underprivileged. Also I'd like to see the homeless have vagrancy licenses. No license, no footpath. (DAVID HARTNELL, MNZM)