Ross Thorby: The land that could kill you

We departed the Bay of Islands that April evening, to sail across the pond for that land inhabited by everything that could kill you, snakes, spiders, sharks, kangaroos and of course politicians. That’s right - Australia, NZ’s West Island. We sailed out of a turquoise harbour, past the islands of my youth and hung a left at "Ninepin" to sail the Te Tai Tokerau coast to Cape Reinga where we would turn a sharp left and head out across the ditch to Sydney.

Tonight the ship is holding a curious American shipboard tradition, “The Block Party". 

Everybody at a given time on a chosen day, has to stand outside their suites with a glass of champagne and the Captain and Senior officers traverse the various passenger decks clinking their glasses - all whilst accompanied by a cameraman capturing the moment and with rousing music. The best thing about the event is that it is preceded by a man offering lashings of caviar and various canapes as well as a top up of our glasses with more Champagne.

Our Italian Captain seemed particularly keen on this event and insisted on saying hello, and having a sip with everybody.

Wasn't the Captain of the Costa Concordia Italian? Just asking for a friend.

The Regent Navigator also has another curious tradition; but one that I could not imagine taking off on a Cunard ship. The Chief Engineer, who has been on the ship for about ten years, has been hiding tiny plastic ducks for the passengers and crew to find. These ducks are apparently treasured and the Cruise Director assures us that some of them are so well hidden that they will only be found when the ship is scrapped...but I digress. The grumpy side of me is horrified by the environmental mess this pending armageddon of floating plastic could cause and images abound of catastrophic islands of these things floating about on our oceans; but I do keep my eye out - just in case. 

Cunard could learn a little from the camaraderie amongst this ship's crew and its 490 passengers, although the jury is still out about the ducks.

Tonight's show was brought forward, it includes lots of dancing and acrobatics and we note that our pool has been emptied - once again. Our Captain has warned us that the seas should get a bit choppy once we round the Cape. Hosted by our 73 year old cruise director,  Ray, the show is a fantastic “all singing, all dancing” affair and you could see why the acrobatics would not have fared well in a turbulent sea. Ray tells us that he was working on the QE2 when she was launched in 1969 as a puppeteer. He is threatening to do a show before we disembark.

"Shudder".

I am thinking more “Madame” than Miss Piggy. But I digress again, the dinner gong tonight announces our reservations in the Compass Rose Restaurant. The previously mentioned Versace decorated Room.

Our dining companions are a couple from Wanganui who began to turn a lighter shade of green just as the caviar hit the table and by the time the next course arrived, matched the green of the limes in our margaritas and so we found ourselves staring at a couple of quickly vacated seats. At least I think it was the increasing sea conditions and not Mothers jokes. The waves seem to be coming up a little early and the dining room was quickly clearing, fortunately Mother and I are made of sterner stuff. Especially when there are margaritas involved.

I am noticing though, that there is definitely less to do on a smaller ship. The Navigator is 566 feet long with 8 decks, whereas my usual mode of transport is 965 and 12 passenger decks. The size makes a big difference with its entertainment options, although I am proud to say that neither include Wave Machines or Dodgem Cars. Last night after settling Mother into our suite with the TV remote and "Citizen Kane" on TV,  I ventured out, although she is elegant and beautifully decorated without the constant entertainment, the bands and quintets, the ballrooms, the jazz and the pianists, the rooms lack the classiness and tradition that the Cunard Queens provide, so there was not much choice, but to join mother just as "Rosebud" was revealed and CItizen Kane met his demise.

We settle into our suite, the seas off the darkened balcony just beginning to spill over and hit the glass of our doors. It could be a rocky road and so … 

“Mother, fasten your seatbelt.”