Life hacks of tribal elders: what do Laila and Heather have in common?

Laila has moved on. Because in the end she knows that’s all she can do. That and hope.(1)

We are sitting in a lively Grey Lynn café one Saturday morning, drinking tea and coffee - a couple of local tribal elders intent on identifying a personal example of ‘elder wisdom’ that we can pass on to others via this series of Probus profiles.

As I listen to Heather recounting stories of her life, I am struck by the similarities that come to mind between Heather’s way of responding to life and the experiences of Laila, one of the main characters in a novel I am currently reading. In the novel, Laila refuses to submit under the oppressive conditions to which she is subjected.

Nor does she succumb to any bitterness either, as she strives to prove her own value and stand up for women in her society. While there is little similarity between the harsh conditions Laila faces in Afghanistan, compared to Heather’s lived experiences in Australia and New Zealand, what strikes me immediately, is how both women have responded over time to cumulative adversity and loss.

Heather was born in Australia, grew up in Melbourne in what she candidly describes as a dysfunctional home environment. She left school at 15 and by age 17 had run away to get married. She had three sons by the time she was 23 but that early marriage did not survive as the young couple grew up and grew apart. Heather took on the responsibility for her young family as a solo mother, determined to make things work out well for her children.

Years later, she had another child, a daughter. She describes how she always trusted her instincts about people and situations in which she found herself. As time went on, with growing confidence in her ability to manage life on her own terms, she taught herself the skills she needed and took on as much responsibility as she was offered.

Determinedly, she worked her way into positions of responsibility to become one of the administrators of an agricultural college in Shepparton, Northern Victoria, overseeing the provision of the college’s technical and further education courses and serving as secretary to the chair of the Department of Conservation Committee. Much later, when she emigrated to New Zealand, she worked in a similar administrative role for the School of Architecture at the University of Auckland, a remarkable feat for a teenager who ran away from an unhappy home.

Inevitably, life was very hard at times, but Heather trusted that everything would get better if she paid attention to those factors within her control. She clearly had no tolerance for wallowing in self-pity when things got difficult. Each day that could be managed well enough was a step in the right direction. She made a point of determining that the glass would be half full, never empty! As you would expect, for someone whose outlook was cultivated optimism, Heather went on to find romance and marriage again.

Later in life, when her second son died suddenly of an aneurism at age 38 she faced this tragedy with stoicism. No mother should ever have to bury her child, but Heather accepted it and knew that she had to move on, with hope, just like Laila in the novel.

“When you’re at your worst, all you have to remember is that it will pass. Never give up, just move on because that’s all you can do. That and hope.” Heather Lynch

With ever-present positivity, Heather tells me that she knows she has passed on her confidence and independence to her own daughter Kate, and life goes round again. (Alexa Lawrence)

If you’re retired and think you might enjoy getting together with Heather and other like-minded retirees, do come along for a visit next month. It’s a good way to enjoy new experiences including regular speakers and social events.

To find out more, contact Rosie Armstrong on 09 486 5181, or email her at rosiearm@xtra.co.nz

(1)Hosseini, Khaled. A Thousand Splendid Suns. New York, New York: Penguin Group , 2007.

#ponsonbynews #iloveponsonby #ponsonby #auckland #aucklandshippestrip #onlyponsonby #ponsonbyroad #Greylynn #freemansbay #westmere #ponsonby #hernebay #stmarysbay #archhill #family #friends #coxsbay #probusauckland #tribalelders