Jill Goldson, counsellor and family mediator. Grey Lynn-based Jill Goldson has a huge interest and compassion for human struggle and triumph - especially in family life.
She says that as a middle child of an immigrant family, and then as a career woman and single parent of two, she has learnt a lot about navigating life’s changes.
How did you come to be a counsellor and family mediator?
When I was eight I read a book about a social worker and decided at that very moment that that was what I wanted to be. I did post graduate studies in social work, worked in different countries and settings from Auckland hospitals to Bengali communities in inner London, became a counsellor, and later an academic lecturer and researcher, and also trained as a mediator. I wrote a book about including children’s voices at the time of parental separation. The demand for this particular service caused me to eventually opened my own private practice, where I work with individuals and families in transition.
What do you love about your job?
It has to be one of the most interesting, compelling and satisfying jobs around. Watching people gather mastery and management of their problems, and most of all watching them quite quickly feeling a whole lot better, makes me feel humble and creatively connected at the same time.
What do you find challenging
I would not be honest if I didn’t acknowledge that it is hard work. Staying very focused and ethically accountable for your part in this work is essential - it’s only when you stop that you can realise how much energy you have given out. The challenge is to keep that energy replenished, even when answering all the emails and phone calls in the evening. People often ask me if it is stressful, I feel hard work which is productive is not really stressful.
How do you differ from similar professionals?
Possibly I am different from others because I work from a fusion of research-based disciplines - counselling psychology, family therapy, family law, mediation and facilitation. I have many, many years of professional experience and have received several awards for my practice and my research, teaching and writing.
Can you share an anecdote about a case?
Yes, I quote this one relatively often because it is the perfect metaphor to describe what parental conflict does to children. I worked with a little boy of seven, who was becoming very unwell with tummy pains from the stress of his parents’ high conflict. He told me his worst problem in the world was that mummy liked blue and daddy liked green and therefore he could not choose a paint colour for his new bedroom at dad’s house. He was tortured by this impossible dilemma. His parents were stunned to learn this and it had a big impact on their learning to lower their conflict.
What do you do to care for yourself?
I try and prioritise daily physical exercise and meditation as a balance to all that listening. I spend time cooking and being with friends who make me laugh and with the family I love, and I get as much sleep as I possibly can.
What’s your advice to people seeking family mediation or counselling?
About the time it all feels impossible, you will feel an urge to reach out for some assistance. Don’t ignore that, it is a sign of strength that you are open to that impulse. The relief of finding a way through when it seemed too hard is liberating. You owe yourself that opportunity.
THE FAMILY MATTERS CENTRE, 66 Wellpark Avenue, Westmere, T: 09 360 8868,
www.thefamilymatterscentre.co.nz