Everyone’s talking about mental health but do we yet fully understand what destructive and far-reaching diseases like depression and PTSD really are?
Some people are still uncomfortable about discussing mental health. I think it stems from the past when we had ‘mental institutions’, and we called people ‘mental’. The word has bad connotations. We take it to mean ‘mad’, ‘crazy’, loopy’, ‘unhinged’. With that comes ‘weird’, even ‘dangerous’. What is crazy, is that no one blinks if a person seeks professional help for diabetes, cancer, ‘flu, heart disease. In fact, we would be labelled crazy if we did not get help.
When it comes to mental health, the stigma remains alive and (un)well.
Kiwis have a ‘soldier on’ mentality. Some of us find it difficult to admit we have a problem and ask for help.
I have suffered from depression and have been diagnosed with PTSD. I abhor labels so writing that sentence was like pulling my teeth out without anaesthetic. I don’t have any difficulty acknowledging I am down when I am, but asking for help is another thing. For one reason, I am stoic. I see a weakness in myself if I can’t sort it out alone.
I don’t want to appear weak and whiney and burdensome. The second reason is the real hard one. When people are in the black hole, they simply can’t reach out. They barely can drag themselves out of bed. They wander around the house zombified. Articulating what they are feeling is simply too damn much. And, if they do, reason three is enough to clamp their mouths tightly shut before the can whisper a word of needing help. Reason three: people, no matter how well meant, say things like ‘buck up’, ‘things could be much worse,’ ‘make a cup of tea and take a deep breath’, ‘oh, that’s a shame, wait til I tell you what happened to me…’, ‘never mind, tomorrow’s another day’.
All these things have truth in them but when someone is in the blackness, those platitudes are akin to being given a good hard nudge further down the hole. Feelings of hopelessness, of never being ‘seen’ or understood suffocate you. Which makes reaching out the next time even more impossible. Then there are the kind and thoughtful but equally destructive nuggets of advice: ‘You must look after yourself’, ‘have you tried yoga?’, ‘just meditate’, ‘go for a walk and take some deep breaths’, ‘plan a weekend away with friends’, ‘how about a massage?’. Honestly, all you want to do is scream at them to f off as far as they ffing can. But you can’t because trying to remain calm and breathe and not hurl your phone at a wall or a book at them is taking every bit of your strength. Also, you’re probably crying silently by now at the sheer loneliness of your situation.
A massage? Seriously? If it was that easy to cure depression and have robust mental health, do you not think sufferers would be camping outside massage clinics? I once said to a friend who suggested I get a massage, that I couldn’t afford it. Her answer was to visit a shopping mall where there are Chinese masseuses that are so much cheaper. Again, seriously? I go into a paroxyism of despair at the mere thought of going into a shopping mall.
People mean well and it’s difficult for other people to understand if they have never felt the hopelessness, bleakness and loneliness. Some don’t know what to say, others don’t want to be around an unhappy person. Empathy is strong in some and absent in others.
I never expect anyone to ‘fix me’ in my black days. What I need is to be allowed my feelings without judgement and to know there is someone who will simply be by my side with no expectations, and with genuine caring. A hug, a cup of tea, a glass of wine, a walk together on the beach. A funny story is always good. If I hear myself laugh, then I know there is hope. And I also know ‘this, too, shall pass’ and things will look better soon.
A coach once told me that poor mental health/depression is a choice. We can choose happy or we can choose sad. “It’s that simple,” she said. Is it?
Reach out, people – especially to those who can’t. Ram Das: “We are all just walking each other home.” (DEIRDRE THURSTON)
#MentalHealthAwarenessWeek #depression #PTSD #ponsonbynews